When we're driving down the freeway, going perhaps 70 or 80mph, our eyes lock onto objects further and further away the faster we go. The world around us disappears, and all that we see is our destination. While we are traveling where are we? We are neither at our destination, nor are we on the way because we do not see what is on the way. We are nowhere. Tuning out reality, neglecting the world that is here now, all we do is set ourselves up for accidents and tragedy.
If we live our life at 80mph we are not alive in reality. We live instead in a world of delusional goals. If we spend today worrying about tomorrow, or dwelling on yesterday, then with that mentality a true day is never experienced. Where we set our sights is the difference between living and not living.
If your mind is the car, and your body is the surroundings, the question becomes whether your mind is truly in your body. A phrase people often use is "you are a million miles away". How accurate this is. When you are not alive in the present moment, your mind leaves your body. You live in a true out of body experience. The mind escapes from the body and tries to live in its own world, in samsara, maya, an illusory world. The goal of mindfulness, the goal of Zen Buddhism, is to bring together your mind and your body. We do this by slowing down, and looking deeply.
When the car is going so fast the driver no longer sees what is around him, what happens to the car? Likewise when your mind is preoccupied with tomorrow, what happens to today? What would we do if the orange tree didn't bear any fruit because it was too busy worrying about whether next year's summer will be warm enough? What would we do if the sun stopped burning because it was worrying about whether it will exist billions of years from now?
The mind is a powerful instrument, but like everything it is an interdependent component. It depends on your body as much as your body depends on your mind. When your mind thinks it is a separate, individual object and it tries to leave the body, then neither can exist. A speeding car certainly doesn't stay on the freeway for long.
Having angry thoughts is natural. One shouldn't suppress angry thoughts. But mindfulness can transform how your mind responds to anger. If you let anger consume you, your mind will be a million miles away. All that would be left is a run-away car with no driver that can cause so much damage. Being mindful when you are angry lets you acknowledge the anger objectively, without affecting what drives your actions. The car moves on slowly and gracefully and the anger, because it is now seen as empty and impermanent, dissipates and passes by. This is an example of how mindfulness transforms suffering.
To live is to touch reality. The mind must be in contact with the body, the body must be in contact with its environment. Everything interconnects in harmony. When we try to separate, when we view things as separate, we are delusional and we ignore the harmony, thinking we can create something better ourselves in our mind. Erroneously we accept our thoughts as though they are reality when they are nothing but a fictitious, fake reality. The true reality is out there, not in your mind.
As a illusory separate thing the mind is vulnerable, the separateness must eventually end, it possesses and loses, it lives in a world of pain and sorrow. But when the mind joins with the body, when the body joins with the environment, then there can be no vulnerability. There is no loss because all is one. Living mindfully is living in peace, living in nirvana, in the pure land.
Putting this in perspective shows me just how important it is to live mindfully. I may walk a little slower. I may drive a little slower. I may move a little more gracefully. I may speak fewer words. I may stop more often to soak up the beauty in which I am immersed. But each step I take is a step I take in heaven, on this beautiful path for all of eternity.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Zen Parenting
Some people have told me that having children is the end of your life as you know it. I have often written about my experience of having children and how it relates to my work life elsewhere, but I'd like to also share my experience of having children from a spiritual perspective.
One may think that even in Buddhism having children can be a distraction from your path to enlightenment, but I don't think that's the case at all. In fact the opposite is true.
I have set myself a goal of becoming more mindful each day. I find new techniques to transcend my existence such that I do not exist day by day in a cloud of samsara, but instead I live in reality, touching the here and now as each moment passes, becoming a part of the harmony of reality.
Since having a child I have discovered what it is like to live. Every time I am playing with, being with my daughter I feel alive. I'm sure many parents have also had this wonderful experience. But why is this?
My daughter doesn't let me sit down for long. She pulls me up by my hand, and drags me over to her toys or outside. She wants to play. Playing is participating for the enjoyment of participating, of being a part of something, of being able to win or lose without it really affecting you. Is there much of a difference between playing and being mindful? Is this not kensho in Zen Buddhism? Is not the bliss of playing a sharing in the sambhogakaya of the Buddha?
My daughter always bring me back to reality, she always helps me touch the here and now. In her I see a being who transcends the worrying, endless decisions and debate that seem to consume us as adults.
This is just one way that being with children can be a form of meditation. Children are also a good reminder of sunyata, emptiness. In them we see ourselves, our wife, parents, ancestors, cultures. In them we see all of humaity, we see the dharmakaya. Every sentence they utter can be seen as a koan, not just because it it is seemingly nonsensical, but because it is a glimpse of true reality.
There is perhaps not greater manifestation of the law of karma than your child. Every action, every intention you have, will bear fruit in your child. If you curse, it won't take long before you hear a complaint from the school principal about your child's foul mouth. If you lose your temper and smack your child in a moment of weakness, then this is how your child will learn how to react in difficult social situations. Children are like mirrors, and in them not only do you see your ancestory but you also see every action you take. They are your walking karma.
Having children is a gift that can transform our lives in many ways, but more than anything they can be zen masters, teachers that can educate us not just about parenting, but also about ourselves, reality and enlightenment.
If only we stayed that way.
One may think that even in Buddhism having children can be a distraction from your path to enlightenment, but I don't think that's the case at all. In fact the opposite is true.
I have set myself a goal of becoming more mindful each day. I find new techniques to transcend my existence such that I do not exist day by day in a cloud of samsara, but instead I live in reality, touching the here and now as each moment passes, becoming a part of the harmony of reality.
Since having a child I have discovered what it is like to live. Every time I am playing with, being with my daughter I feel alive. I'm sure many parents have also had this wonderful experience. But why is this?
My daughter doesn't let me sit down for long. She pulls me up by my hand, and drags me over to her toys or outside. She wants to play. Playing is participating for the enjoyment of participating, of being a part of something, of being able to win or lose without it really affecting you. Is there much of a difference between playing and being mindful? Is this not kensho in Zen Buddhism? Is not the bliss of playing a sharing in the sambhogakaya of the Buddha?
My daughter always bring me back to reality, she always helps me touch the here and now. In her I see a being who transcends the worrying, endless decisions and debate that seem to consume us as adults.
This is just one way that being with children can be a form of meditation. Children are also a good reminder of sunyata, emptiness. In them we see ourselves, our wife, parents, ancestors, cultures. In them we see all of humaity, we see the dharmakaya. Every sentence they utter can be seen as a koan, not just because it it is seemingly nonsensical, but because it is a glimpse of true reality.
There is perhaps not greater manifestation of the law of karma than your child. Every action, every intention you have, will bear fruit in your child. If you curse, it won't take long before you hear a complaint from the school principal about your child's foul mouth. If you lose your temper and smack your child in a moment of weakness, then this is how your child will learn how to react in difficult social situations. Children are like mirrors, and in them not only do you see your ancestory but you also see every action you take. They are your walking karma.
Having children is a gift that can transform our lives in many ways, but more than anything they can be zen masters, teachers that can educate us not just about parenting, but also about ourselves, reality and enlightenment.
If only we stayed that way.
Sunday, January 7, 2007
You Are Home
Decision trees let us map out scenarios and possible outcomes, and from an outcome another series of choices, another series of possible outcomes, and so on. The resultant structure is called a decision tree because each decision branch resembles a tree.
As complicated as it may sound, in the back of our mind we are constantly immersed in a giant decision tree. We subconsciously think 'what will we have for dinner tonight? if we have chicken it would be nice. If we have sandwiches we might still be hungry. If we have chicken then what would we do after dinner?' - the list goes on. Whether we're conscious of it or not, it's most definitely there.
This is a subconcious form of worry. It's in the background all day long, and the more we have going on in our lives, the larger and more complex the decision tree becomes. The more we think about problems, the larger and more complex it becomes. It bogs us down, it feels heavy.
Goals, expectations, desires, this constant feeling that we need to attain more to be happier - all of these things add new dimensions and more weight to our decision tree. It's ironic that we think that we can gain happiness by acquiring more things - more wealth, a bigger house, a bigger car, a bigger TV. Yet beyond the instant gratification, what does it really give us? It just adds to the weight of the burden of our decision tree.
When we have a larger decision tree in the back of our mind, we feel like we have "a lot on our mind". When we have less, we feel at peace.
When we go on a vacation we try to forget about our worries. All we're really doing is trying to forget our decision tree is there. Vacation is a form of denial. By changing the scenery all we're doing is trying to remove the reminders of the things in our decision tree - the pending worries. But ignoring the tree is not the solution. You cannot run away from the things you have decided need worrying about.
Some people feel that drinking alcohol or taking drugs, blurring our mental capacity to think clearly, will also take away our problems. But again, beyond the instant gratification all we are doing is denying that the problems are there. When we're sober, they suddenly reappear and now you have more to worry about: am I becoming depending on alcohol? What did I do when I was drunk?
Thinking about scenarios and possible outcomes is a form of protection. By having answers ready, by being prepared, we are more likely to be able to retain our status quo - to keep our peace.
But perhaps the decision tree is not the problem, perhaps the problem is our attachment to the status quo - our aversion to changes in our environment and routine that gives us this mental capacity to worry.
From since we were very young, the day we had our first problem ('why isn't mommy around to feed me?'). The womb was such a permanent seeming place. It seems that the minute we are born we have a carrot dangling in front of us. We are trained to live up to the expectations of society. Fashion, trends, peer pressure. Yet the truth is we are born with everything we need to find happiness. The problem is not that we are unhappy, the problem is that we are looking for happiness in the wrong places.
Nobody really tells us where to find happiness. Our parents may not know. With everything that is pushed into our faces from the media, it's easy to think that material wealth is the key to happiness. That posessing more somehow gives us a sense of foundation and permanence.
Becoming attached to the status quo, to the environment in which you live, to posessions that make this synthetic foundation, is a symptom that you do not yet understand where to find happiness. If we start to value reality not as something that is stationary, permanent, but instead value life as a stream of flowing water, always changing path and always adapting to the course, then we no longer become attached to the false notion of permanence.
All life is impermanent. Change is unavoidable.True happiness lies not in synthesizing a notion of permanence. True happiness lies in realizing impermanence and understanding how truly wonderful change can be.
We think that to live is to resist change. But all we are doing is living in this giant decision tree, we are not really living in reality at all. We live two steps ahead of ourselves, and so we don't really live at all. It becomes this illusory world of problems, of notions, prejudices, disappointment, unhappiness, suffering.
To accept change, to value reality for what it really is, is to be truly alive. When we accept this, the decision tree embedded in our mind disintegrates. We no longer need to protect things from changing because we embrace change. We touch everything around us with a new form of relationship, a pure friendship that constitutes true loving kindness.
This is peace. This is nirvana. Happiness is right here already - all it takes is a new perspective.
As complicated as it may sound, in the back of our mind we are constantly immersed in a giant decision tree. We subconsciously think 'what will we have for dinner tonight? if we have chicken it would be nice. If we have sandwiches we might still be hungry. If we have chicken then what would we do after dinner?' - the list goes on. Whether we're conscious of it or not, it's most definitely there.
This is a subconcious form of worry. It's in the background all day long, and the more we have going on in our lives, the larger and more complex the decision tree becomes. The more we think about problems, the larger and more complex it becomes. It bogs us down, it feels heavy.
Goals, expectations, desires, this constant feeling that we need to attain more to be happier - all of these things add new dimensions and more weight to our decision tree. It's ironic that we think that we can gain happiness by acquiring more things - more wealth, a bigger house, a bigger car, a bigger TV. Yet beyond the instant gratification, what does it really give us? It just adds to the weight of the burden of our decision tree.
When we have a larger decision tree in the back of our mind, we feel like we have "a lot on our mind". When we have less, we feel at peace.
When we go on a vacation we try to forget about our worries. All we're really doing is trying to forget our decision tree is there. Vacation is a form of denial. By changing the scenery all we're doing is trying to remove the reminders of the things in our decision tree - the pending worries. But ignoring the tree is not the solution. You cannot run away from the things you have decided need worrying about.
Some people feel that drinking alcohol or taking drugs, blurring our mental capacity to think clearly, will also take away our problems. But again, beyond the instant gratification all we are doing is denying that the problems are there. When we're sober, they suddenly reappear and now you have more to worry about: am I becoming depending on alcohol? What did I do when I was drunk?
Thinking about scenarios and possible outcomes is a form of protection. By having answers ready, by being prepared, we are more likely to be able to retain our status quo - to keep our peace.
But perhaps the decision tree is not the problem, perhaps the problem is our attachment to the status quo - our aversion to changes in our environment and routine that gives us this mental capacity to worry.
From since we were very young, the day we had our first problem ('why isn't mommy around to feed me?'). The womb was such a permanent seeming place. It seems that the minute we are born we have a carrot dangling in front of us. We are trained to live up to the expectations of society. Fashion, trends, peer pressure. Yet the truth is we are born with everything we need to find happiness. The problem is not that we are unhappy, the problem is that we are looking for happiness in the wrong places.
Nobody really tells us where to find happiness. Our parents may not know. With everything that is pushed into our faces from the media, it's easy to think that material wealth is the key to happiness. That posessing more somehow gives us a sense of foundation and permanence.
Becoming attached to the status quo, to the environment in which you live, to posessions that make this synthetic foundation, is a symptom that you do not yet understand where to find happiness. If we start to value reality not as something that is stationary, permanent, but instead value life as a stream of flowing water, always changing path and always adapting to the course, then we no longer become attached to the false notion of permanence.
All life is impermanent. Change is unavoidable.True happiness lies not in synthesizing a notion of permanence. True happiness lies in realizing impermanence and understanding how truly wonderful change can be.
We think that to live is to resist change. But all we are doing is living in this giant decision tree, we are not really living in reality at all. We live two steps ahead of ourselves, and so we don't really live at all. It becomes this illusory world of problems, of notions, prejudices, disappointment, unhappiness, suffering.
To accept change, to value reality for what it really is, is to be truly alive. When we accept this, the decision tree embedded in our mind disintegrates. We no longer need to protect things from changing because we embrace change. We touch everything around us with a new form of relationship, a pure friendship that constitutes true loving kindness.
This is peace. This is nirvana. Happiness is right here already - all it takes is a new perspective.
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