Sunday, January 7, 2007

You Are Home

Decision trees let us map out scenarios and possible outcomes, and from an outcome another series of choices, another series of possible outcomes, and so on. The resultant structure is called a decision tree because each decision branch resembles a tree.

As complicated as it may sound, in the back of our mind we are constantly immersed in a giant decision tree. We subconsciously think 'what will we have for dinner tonight? if we have chicken it would be nice. If we have sandwiches we might still be hungry. If we have chicken then what would we do after dinner?' - the list goes on. Whether we're conscious of it or not, it's most definitely there.

This is a subconcious form of worry. It's in the background all day long, and the more we have going on in our lives, the larger and more complex the decision tree becomes. The more we think about problems, the larger and more complex it becomes. It bogs us down, it feels heavy.

Goals, expectations, desires, this constant feeling that we need to attain more to be happier - all of these things add new dimensions and more weight to our decision tree. It's ironic that we think that we can gain happiness by acquiring more things - more wealth, a bigger house, a bigger car, a bigger TV. Yet beyond the instant gratification, what does it really give us? It just adds to the weight of the burden of our decision tree.

When we have a larger decision tree in the back of our mind, we feel like we have "a lot on our mind". When we have less, we feel at peace.

When we go on a vacation we try to forget about our worries. All we're really doing is trying to forget our decision tree is there. Vacation is a form of denial. By changing the scenery all we're doing is trying to remove the reminders of the things in our decision tree - the pending worries. But ignoring the tree is not the solution. You cannot run away from the things you have decided need worrying about.

Some people feel that drinking alcohol or taking drugs, blurring our mental capacity to think clearly, will also take away our problems. But again, beyond the instant gratification all we are doing is denying that the problems are there. When we're sober, they suddenly reappear and now you have more to worry about: am I becoming depending on alcohol? What did I do when I was drunk?

Thinking about scenarios and possible outcomes is a form of protection. By having answers ready, by being prepared, we are more likely to be able to retain our status quo - to keep our peace.

But perhaps the decision tree is not the problem, perhaps the problem is our attachment to the status quo - our aversion to changes in our environment and routine that gives us this mental capacity to worry.

From since we were very young, the day we had our first problem ('why isn't mommy around to feed me?'). The womb was such a permanent seeming place. It seems that the minute we are born we have a carrot dangling in front of us. We are trained to live up to the expectations of society. Fashion, trends, peer pressure. Yet the truth is we are born with everything we need to find happiness. The problem is not that we are unhappy, the problem is that we are looking for happiness in the wrong places.

Nobody really tells us where to find happiness. Our parents may not know. With everything that is pushed into our faces from the media, it's easy to think that material wealth is the key to happiness. That posessing more somehow gives us a sense of foundation and permanence.

Becoming attached to the status quo, to the environment in which you live, to posessions that make this synthetic foundation, is a symptom that you do not yet understand where to find happiness. If we start to value reality not as something that is stationary, permanent, but instead value life as a stream of flowing water, always changing path and always adapting to the course, then we no longer become attached to the false notion of permanence.

All life is impermanent. Change is unavoidable.True happiness lies not in synthesizing a notion of permanence. True happiness lies in realizing impermanence and understanding how truly wonderful change can be.

We think that to live is to resist change. But all we are doing is living in this giant decision tree, we are not really living in reality at all. We live two steps ahead of ourselves, and so we don't really live at all. It becomes this illusory world of problems, of notions, prejudices, disappointment, unhappiness, suffering.

To accept change, to value reality for what it really is, is to be truly alive. When we accept this, the decision tree embedded in our mind disintegrates. We no longer need to protect things from changing because we embrace change. We touch everything around us with a new form of relationship, a pure friendship that constitutes true loving kindness.

This is peace. This is nirvana. Happiness is right here already - all it takes is a new perspective.

1 comment:

They call him James Ure said...

Yes. We think that if we accept change and let go that we will be consumed with chaos and lose ourselves.

However, accepting change brings us peace and we merge with the Infinite flow of Consciousness. We realize our being apart of something bigger then ourselves and much of our worries, doubts and concerns seem trivial and selfish compared to the bigger picture.

Great post.